wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
