We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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