party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
