I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
