He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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