bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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