Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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