Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
