OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
