i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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