The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
