She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
