i permit you to call me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
