i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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