Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
