Define "chronic" masturbator.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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