I just saw a hot homeless man
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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