He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
