i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
