It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
