Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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