Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
