i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
