We're facebook friends in real life
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
