What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
