I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
