how can u be prego again
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
