just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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