it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
