A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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