she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Too much gin, very little bucket
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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