I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
