remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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