I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
