woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
