CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
