I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
