One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
