There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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