Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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