Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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