Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
