My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
