oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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