Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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