I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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