The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
