a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
