The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
