dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
His nipple licking is glorious
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