I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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