batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
