my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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