Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
