Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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