goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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