U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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