I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
