it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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