What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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