We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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