she woke up with a sticky ear
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
