All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
