I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
