She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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