Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize