mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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