When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She's the barista slut.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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